I DON'T OWN A MINIVAN
Well, actually, I do. It's titled in my wife's name, so I've enjoyed making the joke that I don't own a minivan, my wife does. After all, everyone knows there's nothing less manly than a minivan! Although, I would make an argument that it is really a home theatre on wheels, perfect for movie watching while riding home from UNC football games this fall (when we'll be anxious to take our minds off the game and get them back on beer and movies).

But my silly joke is actually John Kerry's real, straight-faced defense. He's railed against bad energy policy and high gas prices, but when asked if he owns a Chevy Suburban (good luck backing out of a parking space if you're parked next to one of these ugly things), he says "I don't own an SUV" and "The family has it. I don't have it."

So remember, I don't own a minivan!